The shocking true story of why socialism really failed

(A portion of this article first appeared in Impressions Magazine)

The reasons behind the demise of socialism in Russia and its satellite states depend on your nationality. Many Americans think that Ronald Reagan, in pouring so much money into the arms race, simply drove the Russians into bankruptcy while attempting to keep up. For other countries, however, the reasons are more varied.

When I asked my Kazakhstani friend why she thought communism failed, she replied, “Well, the planned economy was unsustainable, for one. We couldn't get things we wanted at the stores, for example.”

A thought struck me as I slurped at my third cup of go-juice.

“What about coffee,” I asked. “Was it affordable?”

She looked at me like I was a Stalin supporter.

“No, no, no,” she replied. “Coffee was very expensive, unless it was instant. We drank tea. Maybe one cup after a meal.”

“That's it? Three cups of tea per day?”

“No more.”

Which got me to thinking: caffeine is surely mankind's favorite drug. According to the International Food Information Council Foundation, based in Washington, DC, it occurs in over 60 naturally-occurring plants and is found across the globe in products such as tea, coffee, chocolate, energy drinks, pain relievers and diet pills.

So why wasn't strong coffee available behind the Iron Curtain?

I emailed my Polish friend – a faculty member at the University of Warsaw – and asked her about it. She replied that real coffee was very rare and precious during socialism. In fact, if you ever had any left over after giving it as a special Christmas gift, it was more useful as a bribe for the store clerks than for drinking. Instead, they drank tea. Lots of tea. But after the beginning of the 1990s, she said, consumption of coffee increased dramatically.

That last point was verified during a conversation with my older East German friend. I asked him about coffee consumption during communism and he bellowed at me, “We didn't live in communism! What is that, anyways? It's better to say “so-called socialism”! The point is, some old men, they forgot the world around them and wanted to create their own playground under a cheese-box. But nobody who thought differently than them were allowed to play!”

“Uh-huh,” I nodded, wondering what the hell he meant by cheese-box. “And what about the coffee?”

“Coffee? We had only instant coffee powder – very weak – it was better to drink tea.”

Hmm, I mused. Three former Soviet satellite countries, three tea drinking countries; maybe I was onto something.

Fact: According to the UK-based food safety watchdog group Food Standards Agency, a cup of tea can contain up to a mellow 90 milligrams (mg) of caffeine, while brewed ground coffee can have up to a buzz-inducing 254 mgs. That's a big difference.

I asked my dad, a veteran coffee-drinker, about his consumption. It was mid-afternoon and he was pouring himself a cup from his thermos when I walked into his office.

“Hey dad, how many cups of coffee do you drink per day?”

Dad's wary of frontal attacks, and I could see him tense up.

“Eight or nine,” he snapped. “But it doesn't affect me! Why do you wanna know?”

“Uh, no reason…” I said, and slowly backed away before he could do any damage with the letter opener.

Being over-caffeinated is something that most Americans can readily identify with. As a nation, Americans ingest an average of roughly 3 cups of coffee or tea per day. Heck, many companies even supply the stuff for free. And for good reason – the more you drink, the more effective and energetic you'll be, right?

The sordid truth is that we're all complicit in America's dirty little secret – our famed productivity isn't a result of the Yankee Work Ethic or pursuit of The American Dream – nowadays it's all about the caffeine, man!

Take a look around yourself. Who doesn't have a coffee or tea mug on their desk? Who doesn't have a cup holder filled with some caffeinated drink in their car? Who hasn't choked down that last cup of coffee after it's baked in the pot all day? Slackers, that's who!

The Finns, the world leaders in caffeine consumption, take in about 145 grams of the stuff per year – which, at about 40 mg per day, is one full cup of coffee more than Americans. Is it coincidence that Nokia, a Finnish company, is also the world's most prosperous mobile phone producer? I think not.

And what about Microsoft, the Seattle-based computer giant? Is it happenstance that Starbucks has enjoyed worldwide success during the same time that Microsoft has grown and thrived? Or can it be that the e-conomy is actually wired with caffeinated IVs?

I realize some may call my arguments as weak as the instant coffee they had to drink behind the Iron Curtain. Still others may call me a historical relativist for saying it, but I can't help thinking that today's world would be a lot different if the “so-called socialists” had kept the proletariat properly hopped up on the caffeine.