That Darned Cupid

I have in front of me a Valentine’s Day article I recently read online; it is filled with shopping experts’ (shopping experts?) opinions about the right flowers, jewelry, chocolates and so on that men should purchase this year for Valentine’s Day. Well-written and researched, the article is presented in an informative style, is filled with reliable sources, and still manages to come across as irksome.

To wit, when discussing flowers, Kristin, 40, of Lake Geneva, WI, says, “I was dating a guy who said he adored all my quirks and my adventurous spirit. Then he turned around and gave me a big bunch of roses with the lacy white stuff for Valentine’s. It was embarrassing, because I’m so not the kind of woman you give that to! It made me feel as if he didn’t really know me or get what I was all about.”

Ok, I’m not defending a lack of thought when it comes to gifts. “The usual” is boring and can indeed reflect a lack of care. But really. Whatever happened to being flattered that your partner thought enough about you to get you a big bunch of flowers – roses or not? Instead, Kristin, 40, of Lake Geneva, WI, was embarrassed to receive a “big bunch of roses”? It must be one of those cute “quirks” of hers.

But let’s leave Kristin behind (as her dating partner also seems to have done) and consider what Danielle, 29, of Oak Brook, IL, had to say about perfume: “I really like feminine floral perfumes. When my boyfriend gave me this intense, musky stuff one year, I felt like, ‘Do you not know how I like to smell? or are you trying to tell me you wished I smelled like someone else?’ It really did a number on my confidence!”

Receiving a bottle of perfume that her boyfriend happened to like did a number on her confidence? Well, I have another number for her confidence: it’s 630.572.1414. That’s the number for Dr. Catherine Milford, a reputable psychotherapist in Danielle’s hometown of Oak Brook, IL.

So since we cannot give flowers or perfume, what about other tried and true gifts this Valentine season? No to stuffed animals (better, says the author, to make a donation in your honey’s name to a charity you think he or she respects); No to lingerie, says the author, because it is obvious that when a man buys a woman underwear, it’s more for him than for her; And lastly, a big Valentine’s NO to any type of appliance, unless, says the author, “…you’re buying an mp3 player…” – presumably an iPod – “or pre-loading a digital camera with shots of yourself holding up signs that say “Will you marry me?” – then it’s ok.”