Private English Lesson

“Tetas,” said my private student, cupping his hands in front of his chest.

“What’s word for ‘tetas’?”

I controlled a smirk and asked if he wanted the polite or the less polite version.

“Less polite.”

“’Tits,’” I said. “The word is ‘tits’.”

Trying to maintain a sense of decorum, I added, “The singular is ‘tit’.”

He blinked.

“Why I need singular?”

Holding his gaze, I considered teaching him the phrase, “Suck my tit,” or perhaps the idiom “to suck hind tit.”

“Well, I guess you don’t,” I responded.

“Ok. So, my friend… he was in the class and this girl close the door and turn with the key. She show their tits and for two hours they stay!”

“Ok. First, how many girls were there?”

“One.”

“Right. So you have to say ‘her tits’. And what’s the past of the verb ‘to close’?

“Close-ed.”

“Right. And then you said, ‘to turn the key’ – a better way to say that is ‘to lock the door’. The verb, to lock, is a regular verb, by the way.”

“Ok, so the girl, she clos-ed the door and locked it. She show her tits and then-”

“What’s the past tense of show?”

“Showed.”

“Right.”

“She showed her tits and stay for-”

“What’s the past tense of stay?”

“Hombre! Uh…stay-ed?”

“Right. Good.”

“Ok,” he said, and took a deep breath. “So the girl, she closed the door and locked it. Then she showed her tits. And for two hours they stayed! And the girl, she had maybe… 21.”

“She was 21. Ok. And how old is he?”

“Like us. Married.”

“Wait… he’s married?”

“Yes. And he say me, he feel… uh… mucho arrepentido.”

“He felt repentant?”

“Si, si… but not for those two hours, tío! Madre mia! Two hours…”

“Uh… your friend… he is a teacher where?”

“Here, at university.”

“Wow. But wasn’t he afraid? I mean, what if later he has to give the girl a bad grade or something?”

“Bad grade?”

“A bad mark? Like she does poorly in class… or does poorly on an exam.”

“After this, I am certain he won’t give her a poor mark!”

“Or what if she tells his wife about it?”

“Your wife?”

“No. His wife. Your friend’s wife.”

“That’s stupid. Why he tell his wife?”

“No… what if the girl, the teta girl, tells the teacher’s wife about what happened?”

“Oy, hombre. Problemas. Muchisimo.”

“And this did not stop him?”

“I ask him this also.”

“And?”

“No. No stop him.”

“What if she gets pregnant?”

“Who?”

“The teta girl.”

“No is possible. Was no… uh… penetración.”

“Penetration is the same word in English.”

“Ah… ok. Was no penetration. But still… he give four… uh… orgasmo.”

Focus.

“Orgasm is also the same word.”

“Ok… but tío, he give four, she give one.”

“Um… in English we say ‘to have’ an orgasm.”

“’To have’? Wait. I am confused… the man he… give or have… uh… eyaculación?”

I chuckled, then said, “I suppose you can both have and give orgasms. But anyway, in English it’s ejaculation.”

“How you spell?”

Focus.

“E-j-a-c-u-l-a-t-i-o-n. And the man, he…” I gestured with my hands, “He had an ejaculation…how many times?”

“One.”

“Once, not one, right? Una vez.”

“Yes, once.”

“And the girl?”

“Four. Four orgasm.”

“Four times? She had an orgasm four times?”

“Yes… four time! You imagine?”

“Four time, or four times?”

“Hombre. Four times. Four times. You understand?”

I understood alright.

We were making progress here.